The Royal We and Why I Hate It

I think most of you probably know what I mean by the royal we-- when someone says "We think/say/do/eat/whatever" when they're really only talking about themselves and ought, really, to be using the pronoun "I."

I have a problem with this pronoun (I have a problem with a lot of things, as you might have noticed): when used in emails and the like, it's confusing.

Like, really confusing.

At work, I handle (mindlessly easy) paperwork and arrangements. There are only two things that ever make my job difficult: when everyone needs something at once and when people don't say what they mean.

The first problem is pretty unavoidable. Things happen-- stuff sometimes comes up all at once; I can usually deal with that pretty easily, though it does stress me out.

The second one, though....

There's been a situation today (forgive me, I have to be vague) where one of the things I worked on needs to be changed. But the person who needs the change made wasn't the one who told me that the change needed to be made.

Take a breath; I'll wait for you to catch up.

Ok, the person who told me what needed to be fixed is working on a similar thing with the person that needs the thing fixed (wow, the gossip in high school didn't seem this complicated). Long story short (er...kinda), I thought that what needed to be fixed was what BOTH of them were doing, not just the one.

I was wrong. I was told I was wrong. That's fine, I don't mind being wrong. I asked what I needed to do to fix the problem.

I got a response that uses the we.

After staring at my computer for a few moments, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, I got it.

"We" meant just the one guy. Apparently, it had all along.

So things are getting fixed-- hopefully, they're already fixed.

But, man, that was a lot of trouble for me to have to go through just because someone else felt like being pretentious.

...!!!...!

Apart from answering phones (and browsing around the Internet), what I do most at work is send emails.

I'm used to poor punctuation in emails-- in today's world, there's really no escaping it. In time, even someone like me can become desensitized to the occasional missing period or incorrect spelling of you're.

One thing that's really been driving me bugnuts, though, is the ridiculous overuse of exclamation marks.

I'm not a journalist, nor do I have any desire to be, but I did have a stint as a teen guest columnist for a local newspaper, and one of the first things that we were taught was that exclamation marks are a no-no.

But that aside, I have a personal issue with people giving me a too-generous helping of these marks. To me, an exclamation mark is not unlike a swear word or the shock factor of crashed cars sitting in front of a high school during the weeks before prom: if you use it too much, it stops carrying any meaning. I mean, think about it-- when you hear someone like Chef Ramsey (I mention him for you, Josh) drop the f-bomb twenty times within ten minutes, it stops landing on your ear with the weight it should have.

Apparently, the woman I have to email all day never received that lesson.

It's ridiculous. I'll send her a message that might say, "Hey, can you please check these numbers for me?"

Her response will be, "Ok!"

I'll send, "I didn't get the message about -x-, can you please send me a copy?"

I'll receive, "I'll send it right to you!!" (That annoys me even more, because, clearly, if you're sending me this message, you're NOT sending the message I asked for.

...But I digress.)

Really, I have to wonder if she just uses exclamations because they're the easiest mark for her or if she's actually just THAT chipper.

I'm hoping it's not the latter-- can you imagine how hard it would be to work with someone that enthusiastic?

I can only imagine how she'd deal with news of any real weight.

Maybe something like this?



See more dog pictures here.

And People Think Punctuation's Not a Big Deal!

I get a lot of grief from my friends for being so picky when it comes to punctuation. They tell me that it's ridiculous to expect anyone to remember so many little rules that have so many exceptions.

Ok, I can sort of see where they're coming from.

But consider this...

While driving around with a friend Saturday, I saw a sign outside a barbecue restaurant that read, "CAN'T COOK MOM? COME PICK UP SOME BBQ FOR MOTHERS DAY!"

The part I want to consider is the "CAN'T COOK MOM?" bit.

Can't cook Mom? This is asking if you can cook your mother-- if you can prepare her to be eaten.

Can't cook Mom?

No, I'm afraid I can't cook my mother; she wouldn't be to happy if I tried.

You know what would fix this? A comma. A single comma.

"CAN'T COOK, MOM?"

Much better.

So, now you see. A little thing like a comma can mean the difference between Mom picking up some barbecue and Mom BEING some barbecue.

Alone in the Dorm: The Sequel

I am apparently terrible to live with.

My roommate, social butterfly that she is, has, for the second night in a row, run off to hang around with some boy.

Not to say I've never done the same thing, but....

Anyway, I'm once again sitting in my dorm, watching The West Wing (season three, this time).

In the weeks since I've read Primary Colors and since I've started watching The West Wing, I've become more interested in politics.

Well, not politics, per se, but in what might go on "behind the scenes" when it comes to politicians, their speeches and their campaigns.

For instance, this past week, I was watching a speech given by the president in the Financial District of New York City. Now, I may not agree with the president all of the time, but I have to have some level of respect for anyone who is willing to attempt to run the country.

But the man's not the best public speaker.

During this speech, the president said "... if Congress doesn't act...."

This is not what I heard.

I heard "...if Congress done that...."

And the thought struck me that there should be someone whose job is to whack the president in the head whenever me makes such an error when speaking .

Seriously. It'd be great.

The president uses a double negative.

"Permission to hit the president with my clipboard?"

"Granted."

WHACK!

Think about it for a while.

Well, my roommate has returned (with company, no less), so I'll leave you with this fun quote-- taken from, where else, The West Wing.

"There was a time in the evolution of everything that works where it didn't."

I Am My Family's Dictionary

Really. It's true.

My parents and I went to see Vantage Point (yes, I still go see movies with my parents-- you want to make something of it?). All of us being rather opinionated, we spent the car ride home discussing the movie.

"It wasn't what I expected," my mom kept saying. "I thought it would flow all together. Well, not all together but all going one way... Oh what am I trying to say?"

"You thought it'd be linear?" I supplied.

"Yes, that's it, linear. I couldn't remember the word."

A few weeks ago, I was riding to a play with my parents; my dad was talking about a person he works with.

"And he's been talking to one of those people who can communicate with the dead," Dad said. "Y'know, a median."

Median?

Median?

"A medium, you mean?" I asked.

I love my parents, I really do.

But... median? Really?

I halfway wonder what they do when I'm not around to clarify what they're trying to say.

My apologies to all of the "medians" out there.